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Friday, September 9, 2011

The Proving Ground of Loss


blogging4jobs

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Posted: 08 Sep 2011 04:29 AM PDT
Go Fish
My niece posted on Facebook today that her fish of six years, Sheldon, had died.  There was a general rousing of sympathy and heartfelt expressions of understanding.  Sheldon had been a well-loved member of the family, having had a place right in the middle of the kitchen – where all the activity was.  He survived three household moves, six children and multiple water changes.  He lived in a good old-fashioned fishbowl – no filter, no heater.  He lived in a fishbowl on the kitchen counter.
Sheldon made due with his circumstance and survived and thrived quite nicely.
My own little family won two goldfish at a school carnival several years ago; we named them Fred and Ethel.  After one of my daughters fed them pixie stix, Ethel left this earthly life, but Fred proved his mettle by sticking around for a several more years.  And Fred was the life of every party.  He greeted you as your entered the room and showed his love and appreciation by a quick swim around his bowl and a furious tail wag.  He was good little carnival fish and when his six-year reign came to an end, my little family wept.
My older brother had a goldfish when we were kids, he often let that fish swim in the most disgustingly dirty fishbowl.  I was six years old when I decided that fish needed a bath and fresh warm water – for he must have been freezing, right?  Well, you know the rest of the story.  I wept then, too.
All stories of seemingly disposable pets.  But were they really?  Stories of grief for a simple yet loved fish.   Each a story of simplicity.   When email didn’t matter, when a slow traffic light was unimportant, when a meeting consisted of making a PB&J on the kitchen counter before running out the door, when “streetlights on” was the signal to go home, when life was light and work was pulling weeds.
We have all faced loss, whether it was a simple pet leaving this life, losing a job, or the death of a loved one.  Loss is merely another life lesson and how we deal with loss and its resulting changes becomes another proving ground.  During a past time of great turmoil and loss, I remember feeling hot tears pushing against the back of my eyelids – I can remember begging for no more character-building experiences, I had enough character to last several lifetimes.  Maybe these experiences, though painful and real, are not about you and what you feel; perhaps they are about what you learn.  And who you might be able to help when they experience something similar.
Some losses are inexplicable and sometimes, comfort is not found – ever.    Loss serves as a lesson to cherish what isn’t lost as well as what is found.  When a door closes – when life gives you lemons – Stand at the open window and drink lemonade.  And with gratitude, remember what you had and with thankfulness, realize what you have.
See?  It’s still all about perspective.
*Art courtesy of Shawn Ardoin
Bonus Track!Rayanne Thorn, @ray_anne is the Marketing Director for the online recruiting software company, Broadbean Technology.  She is also a proud mother of four residing in Laguna Beach, California, and a contributor for Blogging4Jobs.  Connect with her on LinkedIn.



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