Where are all the Jobs?: Managing Conflict to Save Your Career

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Managing Conflict to Save Your Career | Career Rocketeer

Link to Career Rocketeer - Career Search and Personal Branding Blog

Posted: 13 Aug 2011 03:30 AM PDT

When you applied for that job, you probably read a description of the duties and qualifications. "Oh yes, that sounds like something I want to do, something I can do." You did some leg work on the company. "Yep, that is a place I'd like to work." Then you went through the interview process. Maybe you briefly met your co-workers, maybe you didn't.
Now that you've got the job, you realize that the challenging part of the job is not the work itself, but the people that you work with. We spend more time picking out a partner, someone we want to live with, but most of our waking lives are spent with those folks at work.
Differences are an inevitable part of any relationship. Those disagreements can provide fertile ground for healthy conversation, for growth, for progress. Or they can spin into negative energy that sucks the life out of working relationships. Managing the conflicts at work is essential to your career success.
Losing your temper is one of the fastest ways to alienate colleagues, coworkers, supervisors, and direct reports. People are scared and stand back from angry outbursts, wondering when you might erupt again. And if it becomes a habit, such flaming can torch a promising career. How can you deal with differences and disagreements in ways that will enhance your career opportunities, and not derail your future?
What to do to keep from going off:

Know your hot buttons. Become aware of the first physical feelings you have that you are getting upset. Maybe you feel your ears or your face getting hot, or you clench your jaw or your fists, or your stomach gets knotted up, or your shoulders tighten. Tune yourself to these subtle changes so that you can interrupt negative impulses.
In that moment, stop. Slow down. Breathe. Oxygen to the brain helps to dissipate the adrenalin that is beginning to surge through your system. That oxygen can also help you think more clearly. Don't engage in the heat of the moment, especially in a meeting or where others are present.
Step away from the fight. Give yourself time to think. What is important to me here? What do I want to have happen – in the long run as well as the short term?
Set up a time to talk to the other person, where both of you have enough time to talk and to listen and enough privacy for each of you to feel safe.
Express your positive intent: "It's important to me that we work together. I want to find a way forward that works for both of us."
Listen. Be curious. After a brief description of the moment from your point of view, ask the other person to explain how they see it. Put energy into understanding what they are experiencing, or what is important to them.

From there, build a solution. This may include apologies or forgiveness. After all, would you rather be right or happy? Sometimes letting go is in your own best interest.

Guest Expert:
Susan H. Shearhouse is the author of Conflict 101: A Manager's Guide to Resolving Problems So Everyone Can Get Back to Work (AMACOM 2011). She has over twenty years experience helping people resolve their differences, improve their organizations, and lead more effectively – on the job, at home and in the community. She served as Executive Director of the National Conference on Peacemaking and Conflict Resolution and on the Advisory Board of the Institute for Conflict Analysis and Resolution at George Mason University. Her clients have included Lockheed Martin, Philip Morris, the IRS, the US Environmental Protection Agency, the US Army Corps of Engineers, and many others. Find out more about Susan Shearouse and Conflict 101 here: http://www.amacombooks.org/book.cfm?isbn=9780814417119 or www.frameworksforagreement.com.