
Do you ever look at your past and wonder, “How did I ever make it through that phase?” or “What was I thinking?” I do
often and while I could choose to live with regret, instead I choose to view my past as life lessons and class is
always in session. Every choice we make selects the path we choose to trod. The
road less taken may not always be the right one and the well-worn path might not either.
So how do we really know?
Sometimes, you just have to follow your gut and hope that it serves your well. Your gut isn’t just a lucky guess or an eerie feeling / suspicion. It is usually years in the making and comes to be reliable because years of experience and built-upon knowledge have joined together in space and time to serve you and present itself as wisdom. Wisdom is gained from correct choices, just as much as it is gained from poor ones.
Today, I often fall back on my gut – for that
is what I call
it. And truth be told, for the last several years, it has served me very well. As a matter of fact, I have learned to re-place trust in me (something I thought completely lost)
because I have simply trusted my gut (aka wisdom).
Slowly over the course of the next year, I will be breaking down mistakes made and once again revealing a bit of what has made up who I have become. Why? Because never have I learned more about myself nor about my life, than when I have been brutally honest, when I have scoured the dirt from under my fingernails and spit in the faces of those who have misplaced judgment – myself included. And if writing Bonus Track has taught me anything, it has taught me that
I am not alone. Not alone in my joys and certainly not alone in my sorrows and regrets.
When I was young, 18 or 19 years old, a new couple moved into the area – they were new to my church family and we welcomed them – well…,
others did. They had 7 or 8 children and the family, in general, was exceedingly intelligent, but I held back full fellowship because they didn’t value cleanliness and wrinkle-free clothing as I did. I placed “Godly” value on appearances, instead of on the heart. They were highly educated, but very poor.
Very poor, indeed. Even in their poorness, I saw more family love and outward compassion than I had ever seen before – but
still I withheld. I had sentenced them to misery because they failed to iron their Sunday clothing.
I knew nothing of them. I cared nothing for them. Who had more compassion and “light”? Not I, nor the countless others who felt the same as I. I am ashamed when I think back on those days, when I truly see who I was –
what I was. I took the well-worn path. I didn’t know the real story, I didn’t want to know it. I didn’t think it was worthy of my time.
I do
now, because
now I know that behind every crisply ironed shirt, prideful deceit potentially curdles and beyond every crumpled, dirty pair of jeans lies a breaking heart – countless stories buried.
What will you think of yourself and your flawed judgment twenty years from now? Let’s hope it will be wisdom gained.
Rayanne Thorn, @ray_anne is the Marketing Director for the online recruiting software company, Broadbean Technology. She is also a proud mother of four residing in Laguna Beach, California, and a contributor for Blogging4Jobs. Connect with her on LinkedIn.
